When talking to people, do not begin by talking about things in which you differ. Instead, begin by talking about things in which you agree. Not only that, go one step further and emphasise the points which you see as being the same.
I will explain why.
When a person says "No," it can be one of the more difficult handicaps to overcome.
When you have said "No," all of your pride demands you remain consistent with it.
Even if at some point in the future, you find reasons to suggest otherwise, you may find it so difficult to change your point of view. All because of your precious pride!
Once, having said a thing, you feel you must stick to it.
Hence, it is so vital, that any conversation begins with both people moving in the direction of the affirmative.
The best persuaders, leaders and communicators always begin a conversation by getting a lot of "Yes" responses. This sets in motion a psychological process, much like a moving train, once it has gathered momentum it takes significant energy to make it move back to where it came from, let alone stop.
Getting someone to say "Yes," keeps them in a state of mind that is open, forward-moving and accepting.
This is such a simple concept and yet many people seem to get a sense of their own importance by antagonising or disagreeing with someone.
Deals get closed when there is rapport. A girl agrees to go on a date when there is rapport. Convincing your wife to let you go out with the 'boys' only happens when there is rapport. And rapport is built by getting the other person to say "Yes."
A few years ago, when I was working as a Pharmacist, I was asked to persuade a young boy to take his medicine. His mother had tried for a few days and he continued to spit the medicine back out, despite all of her efforts to convince him. So, one day, she came in to the pharmacy with her son to ask me for help. This is how I handled it.
Me: "Hi Tommy, are you feeling sick today?"
Me: "Are you feeling like coughing a lot? "
Me: "Is it making you feel really tired? " (I asked him this because I could tell he looked like he was a bit flat)
Me: "It must be hard to eat, right? " (I knew his throat was very sore)
Me: "That must be really difficult, Tommy.
You must miss playing football with your friends? " (I had discreetly asked his mum what he loves doing.)
Tommy: "Yes," he replied.
Me: "I would too, Tommy. I was once sick like you also, and I took this syrup, it tasted ok, not the best, but I just wanted to play Footy with my friends like you, so I listened to the doctor and took it and I got better really fast and was able to play again! Lets give it a try, and if it doesn't make you feel like playing football in a few days, we can stop, what do you think?" (I asked with enthusiasm)
Getting Tommy to say 'yes,' opened his mind to other possibilities and made him feel like I understood his needs. He felt like we were on the same page, so to speak.
He never ever complained about taking his medicine again.
Should we ever tell people they are wrong? Never. Instead, ask questions which the other person can only agree to. Keep on asking questions and getting "Yes" until the other person, without even realising it, agrees with a conclusion that maybe a short time ago, they may have bitterly disagreed with.
GET THE OTHER PERSON TO SAY "YES"!
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